#Sheheartsfilm Female in Focus: Hollie Cornish- Mothers of the Pandemic

Natalie

"For everything I feel the pandemic has taken from me it’s given back in other ways. I always knew I would be leaving my job to relocate from London to Sheffield when we started a family and wanted to end on a high, but I left work feeling like I’d disappeared having spent so much time working from home. I’ve missed sharing my pregnancy with my closest friends and family who I’ve hardly seen and I’m sad I didn’t get to enjoy my last months in London the way London should be enjoyed. But the slower pace of life has brought its benefits and has made pregnancy much easier on my body. I was furloughed in the first trimester and no commuting has helped massively. The biggest benefit by far has been sharing the experience so closely with my husband. He hasn’t been able to attend NHS scans and appointments but we were lucky enough to book private ones that he could attend without a doubt. My team at work have been wonderful. My job was difficult to do from home but because of their support I was able to go into the office just one day a week which reduced the risks associated with commuting and a small office. It would have been a very different and difficult experience without their understanding and help. I’ve been very lucky to have no problems in my pregnancy so far and my understanding is that the support can get more difficult to access if you are no longer following the usual process, especially after birth. However, I can’t express enough how wonderful I’ve found the midwife services in Sheffield. This is my first pregnancy so have nothing to compare it to but their warmth, compassion and empathy has made a very uncertain time much much easier. They seem to be a very special breed of exceptional people!"

Jess

"The pandemic has had a huge impact on my experience of pregnancy, birth and life as a new mum. Covid restrictions have really affected my emotional wellbeing and mental health, as well as that of my partner who has lost all his work and income as a wedding photographer. Additionally, the pandemic has made our feeding journey with a baby with severe tongue tie much, much harder.

I've felt a massive sense of loss as I've had to adjust my expectations to this new situation. Instead of celebrations it was a lonely time. Face to face appointments with my community midwives became really important to me as a chance to see another person face to face! At home 24/7 with my partner we were worried that if we got any covid symptoms this would mean Chris wouldn't be able to attend the birth so we were strict about avoiding social contact except for a few window visits. As the due date got closer our anxiety worsened and we worried about the baby being late and being offered induction which would mean me going into hospital and labouring alone until I was in established labour. This worry became a reality.

Eventually we accepted intervention to help move things along. This was all so far from the calm, relaxed birth I'd been hoping for. I know that our underlying high anxiety before the birth did not help the situation. A long and upsetting birth ended with an emergency c section and it was so hard to understand what was going on and being said to us when everyone was wearing masks and visors. It felt like being underwater.

I was in hospital alone recovering from major surgery and trying to look after a newborn baby with no visitors for 5 nights. It was horrendous. It quickly became clear that breastfeeding was not going well. Eric lost a lot of weight, he was barely waking up and he needed blood tests and doctors became involved. Managing this alone was horrible and I would call Chris on the phone to try to make medical decisions together. Chris visited the car park to wave at us from the window whilst on the phone. We didn't know when I'd get to come home. Eric had a severe tongue tie which meant he could not efficiently breastfeed and it was excruciating for me. We were put on a feeding plan where I had to express milk and try feeding him from the breast and from a tiny cup every couple of hours day and night. This took up all my time and I was getting exhausted and felt such a sense of failure for not being able to feed my baby and so much anxiety about his weight. This feeding plan continued when I finally got home. There is an extremely simple operation to release a tongue tie but the NHS clinic at the Sheffield children's hospital had been closed because of covid as a 'non essential' service. We ended up arranging to have this done privately but still had to wait 2 weeks and Eric continued to have difficulty with feeding and weight loss well beyond this point. This had a massive impact on my mental health. It was another part of the picture where things felt so different to my expectations. It was impossible to get face to face support to help with breastfeeding but I became preoccupied with seeking advice and getting some control over this difficult situation. As restrictions eased I finally managed to get some home visits from professionals who were able to give a little more support and identified that Eric needed another referral for his tongue tie. All mothers are strong but being a pandemic mother is another level!"

Rosie

"As a first time mum it’s tough to know how the pandemic has affected motherhood for me as I don’t know any different. I know this isn’t what it’s meant to be like but I have nothing to compare it to. As the pandemic set in I was pregnant and scared. I was working in central London and going in and out of the office each day. There was no clear advice for pregnant women in the early stages and I was anxious about the risks to my baby. Just before the first lockdown my husband and I left London, six weeks later we moved again - it was an unsettling time and plans changed almost daily. I’m sad for the things I haven’t been able to do - our son is nearly 5 months old at the time of writing this and we have close friends and family who haven’t met him and haven’t been able to be a part of my journey. I’ve also felt a lot of guilt - I worry about the impact of isolation on Freddie’s development. I think it will be a long time before we understand what the impact will be on this generation.

My experience of giving birth was very positive and we felt very well supported throughout. After coming out of hospital we were very lucky to have friends and family available for support which so many haven’t had during these crazy times. In hindsight this support was invaluable on every level especially as there were no home visits and services were stretched. We were isolated in London and we knew we would need help, which is why we moved up to Sheffield. It was an important decision and I know I would have really struggled mentally and physically if we had stayed in London. I do feel like I’ve got to know my baby very well and my husband has been working from home, so he has had the opportunity to spent a lot more time with us than he otherwise would which I am really grateful for. So while there have been losses there have also been gains. At the end of the day I feel incredibly lucky to have a healthy and happy son and we are looking forward to a better tomorrow for all!"

El

"The thing I want more than anything else is for my baby to be held by family and friends who love him - the cuddles and the closeness that should be so natural and that I can see him so often reaching for. It's heart breaking. And I think the worst bit is the uncertainty - it's the worry that we could be symptomless and potentially passing the virus on to vulnerable people around us, so you really can't be close to anyone, at any point. It's been a heavy reality to come to terms with, and it has significantly shaped his first year of life so far and my experience of being a new parent."